right, left, justified

I cried yesterday. As in hagulgol. I didn't expect to cry so hard. Buti na lang tulog na mga tao sa bahay.

I was watching the late night news and I couldn't control myself any longer. Then I texted my mom.

Me: Bakit keilangan basagin ang glass doors and windows at tutukan ng long arms ang mga anak ng dismissed Iloilo governor para lang mapaalis siya? It's becoming too insane. And heartbreaking.

Mama: I wanted to cry kaninang umaga nang mapanood ko. Nalulungkot ako. Gusto ko na lang magpayaman kung di pa huli ang lahat, kesa mag-practice. Di ko na mamukhaan ang itsura ng justice.

My mother is a lawyer. A good one with a compassionate heart and a good sense of justice (probably why she never became rich from lawyering). What she said made me sadder and mirrored my frustration. I wanted to ask, Martial Law na ba? But I already knew what her answer would be: No. Not yet, anyway.

Well it's pretty damn close.

Granted, Gov. Niel Tupas and others being suspended or dismissed did something wrong. At this point it's something difficult to ascertain, especially in light of the blatant political maneuvering that will climax on election day. But when you feign the attempt to correct these wrongs with an even greater wrong, whatever little credibility you claim you have goes kaput.

When we were in Iloilo last December my relatives asked my dad if he had any plans of running for office in Iloilo. They chided him, saying he better move quick because they've been seeing the FG and son Mikey Arroyo in the area lately, driving around, lingering. Rumors are the Arroyos are interested in asserting their Ilonggo-ness so they can take over that little corner of the archipelago, too. Regionalism can be so convenient.

And now this. Who wouldn't think it fishy for a public official to be convicted of and dismissed for a crime he wasn't even tried for? And with only a photocopy of the said order? Moro-moro na ito. It's not just in Iloilo. You'd be a moron not to see the same, exact thing happening all over the country. So far I think only Makati Mayor Jojo Binay has been spared because, hell, he's extremely powerful that way. Evicting him means crippling the business capital of the country. Binay knows that, so everyone else can go to hell.

***

Power. It's like vertigo, the way it was described in The Unbearable Lightness of Being. Looking down from high above, you know that falling will kill you, and you know better than to look down. Yet you are inexplicably attracted to the prospect of jumping. There's this strong force that sucks you in and threatens to throw you overboard. It's a moment of uncertainty and ambiguity, where lines are blurred and the abyss seems to closer to sky than you'd ever thnk.

Methinks practically all politicians suffer from that fatal attraction. On strange twilights I think even I feel it too, sometimes. Pretty scary, I tell you. Although I thnk I'd be a lousy politician; I'd be sobbing every 10 minutes and I won't last more than one term (if I finish one term at all) because I wouldn't know how to "protect" my position. I certainly wouldn't use force or harassment. Takot ko lang sa nanay ko, hahaha. Sometimes I wish all families had mothers like mine.

***

Minutes after the police assault at the Iloilo provincial capitol, a 60-day temporary restraining order on enforcement of the dismissal finally arrived. Public officials and employees present during the raid had been pleading with PNP to hold off and wait for the said TRO, but they did not listen. People had to suffer from physical attack and sheer terrorism from our national police before they were given what was due them. Funny how we risk life and limb, and maim and kill for our interests, for what we think is right.

What is right, anyway? In the plurality of today's world, it's hard to figure out. Who's to say if the DILG did the right thing in dismissing Gov Tupas and all other "offending public officials"? And in using M-16 armalites to do so? On the other hand, who's to say whether ot not the people who went on vigil for three nights and barricaded the capitol building with their bodies to protect their governor were right?

Perhaps it's easier to see what is honest. No matter what your personal truth is, if it is presented honestly, unveiled and sans deception - of others and of oneself, and even if you "lose", you will be justified.